


Broken Window

by drunk_off_of_happiness



Category: Love Simon (2018), Simonverse | Creekwood Series - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Coming Out, Homophobia, M/M, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:55:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25527787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drunk_off_of_happiness/pseuds/drunk_off_of_happiness
Summary: On the first day back to school Simon punches and breaks his car window from the stress of all that's happening. Bram, having come back a week early from New Year's with his dad, is there to help.
Relationships: Bram Greenfeld & Garrett Laughlin, Bram Greenfeld & Simon Spier, Bram Greenfeld/Simon Spier, Emily Spier & Simon Spier, Garrett Laughlin & Simon Spier, Jack Spier & Simon Spier, Leah Burke & Simon Spier, Nick Eisner & Simon Spier, Simon Spier & Abby Suso
Comments: 23
Kudos: 74





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so if you're anything like me you read the book and watched the movie and then binged read all of the fanfiction on here to the point where you can't exactly remember the differences between each version. This is based mostly off of the movie version and it starts at the point where Simon is falling out with his friends. I changed some parts of it because I liked the concept but not the execution.
> 
> I didn't make a lot of changes. I kept book Leah's crush on Nick because I didn't like the whole movie plot with her liking Simon, and made it so Simon never outright lied to Nick about Abby being single. He just strongly discouraged him from it. Abby's reason stays the same for now.
> 
> I also used the movie's version of how Simon was outed, the football scene was cringey but also something I 100% believe book Martin would do. There are small other differences at well, but those are the big ones. 
> 
> Also I looked it up online and it seems like the general consensus is that most people aren't capable of breaking a car window with a punch but this entire fic was formed and based off of Simon breaking his car window so I kept it. So if it's unbelievable to you just kind of gloss over that fact. And lastly, the start of this fic rehashes canon just to establish the background and it's kind of boring so just bear with me, I promise it gets better.

“I’m not a piece of meat Simon! You know how hard it was for me to start over.”

“I never would have done it if there was a remote chance you would like him. It’s Martin Addison for fuck’s sake!”

But she doesn’t listen and storms off anyway. Nick takes a look at him and the look of betrayal on his face cuts deep into Simon.

“I thought we were friends Spier,” he says and walks off with Abby.

Simon turns to Leah and he doesn’t have any words. He knows that out of all his friends Leah is the one he’s truly wronged. He knew how she felt about Nick and he told her to go for it anyway, despite knowing how Nick truly felt about Abby. She never had a chance but all Simon could think about what would happen if — no, when — Abby and Nick got together. 

It doesn’t matter anyway because Martin still outed him once Abby shot him down at the football game. 

“Leah, I—. I don’t have any excuses. I know what I did was wrong but I was so scared that Martin would out me.”

“I get that Simon, I do. But you still thought it was okay to tell me to confess to Nick knowing how he felt about Abby. You know how I felt about him. We’re best friends Si! You could tell Abby first before telling me? I thought we were closer than that. I love you but you betrayed my trust and I don’t know if I can get over that quickly.”

It says a lot that she still looks at him with sympathy instead of hate because Simon knows Leah. Her anger was bright and sharp and she never felt the need to hold back. She wants to be there for him but she was understandably hurt. 

Knowing all of that doesn’t get rid of the lump in his throat but he swallows and nods. “Take all the time you need. I’m sorry.”

She gives him one sad last look before she walks away in the opposite direction that Nick and Abby took off in. 

The plan today was to go to school but after that he realizes that he can’t do it. A part of him needs to know how bad it’ll be but he realizes that he won’t be able to face it without any of his friends at his side. He wants everything to go back to normal but right now everything in his life is the furthest thing away from normal. 

Still, he’s able to keep his composure until after he clambers back into his car and tries to message Blue. 

> FROM:hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com
> 
> TO:bluegreen118@gmail.com
> 
> SUBJECT: N/A
> 
> Hey Blue, sorry for double (or is it triple?) emailing you but I really need someone to talk to right now. Even if you can’t respond knowing you’ll read this makes me feel better. I’ll keep this short because I’m still nervous about what you’ll think about me when you come back from your dad’s but I hope you had a good New Year’s. 
> 
> Love,
> 
> Simon

He shortly debates whether or not to sign it off that way but at this point Simon doesn’t think it matters. Blue will know who he is shortly and Simon’s been signing off his emails with Love for a while now. Still, he hesitates twice before pushing the send button.

A red error message appears and ice grips his veins. He stills and then carefully clicks it a second, third, and fourth time each press hollowing out his chest more and more. 

The tears start to fall and they don’t seem to stop. Distantly his mind notes that Blue must’ve come back from his dad’s earlier than expected but it’s drowned out from the torrent of grief ripping right through him.

He doesn’t cry like this often but in the past couple of days it’s become all too familiar. The sobbing, the burning in his eyes, the heavy weight in his chest. He’s become acquainted with all of them. And worse of all was that he didn’t even pull off yet. 

He dragged the back of his hand across his face and started up the car. Just now he was thinking that there was no way he could go to school but his day couldn’t get any worse than what just happened. And deep down he still needed to know how bad it would be. 

He pulled off silently, dreading his future. 

* * *

Simon cradled his iced coffee and told himself to get out of the car. His hands absentmindedly went to push up his glasses but he had forgotten that he had worn contacts today. Leah had once said something about his eyes popping out more without them and while he personally hadn’t seen any difference he was trusting her advice on this. 

Of course thinking of Leah was painful and he forced himself to stop thinking about it and instead opened his car door and stepped out. He didn’t care about looking good anymore so at the last second he popped on a pair of sunglasses to hide the fact that he’s been crying and walked to his doom. With any luck, people’d be stupid enough to think that he had a hangover. 

The anxiety burned bright in his sternum and he clenched his cup a little tighter as he approached the building. 

He was listening to music but he couldn’t even say what exactly he was listening to. All he knew was that he needed something to concentrate on to keep his cool but right now all he heard was a bunch of crashing discordant notes. 

One earbud in, of course. He wasn’t so stupid to believe that that type of carelessness wouldn’t go unpunished. It was hard to pinpoint the exact moment people realized he was there but once he noticed it was impossible to ignore. 

He mentally shook off the embarrassment and focused on keeping a neutral disinterested look as he reached his locker. Abby, whose locker was only two down from his, wasn’t there and he spared a moment to thank whatever god was looking down upon him before moving on. 

He enters his first class, takes a seat and resolutely looks at his phone until class starts. It’s surprisingly normal. Like yeah he still gets some weird looks but it’s still math class. He still doesn’t relax until more than halfway through the class but he’s left with the notion that maybe, just maybe if he can get to his classes immediately then he can avoid the worst of it.

And it works….for the most part. The staring only gets worse later in the day and he’s sure that he heard the word faggot sometime during history class but he ignores it, doesn’t even chance a look backwards. 

It feels odd, to be so alone and he finds himself desperately missing Nick, Leah, and Abby. He knows that if they were there by his side he could easily get through this and for a brief powerful moment he feels a surge of anger towards them before it’s doused by the waters of guilt and self-loathing. 

But he can’t stop thinking about it. If he isn’t thinking about his friends he’s thinking about Blue and his mind goes on and on between them two, not satisfied with its inability to find a solution for any of his problems. 

Lunch is painfully awkward. Simon, for the first time in his life, has to find somewhere to sit like a new kid in school. He allows himself one glance at Leah with her friends Morgan and Anna and one glance at Nick and Abby, who are sitting at their usual spot with Garrett and Bram. 

It’s this of all things that threaten to break his composure. He picks a table at random, only giving the other occupants a cursory glance before setting down his tray with a bit more force than needed. It’s nobody he knows which is the best he’s going to get in this situation. 

“This is for you Spier!”

He jerks wildly at the mention of his name and looks up to see two boys dressed as Ethan and himself? It’s really not that funny but he looks down at the hoodie he’s wearing and supposes they might have a point. 

The two boys (Aaron and Spencer he thinks they’re called) start a shitty rendition of what’s clearly supposed to be Ethan and him having sex. Ethan and him make eye contact across the cafeteria and it’s his sad and shocked expression that makes Simon snap. 

It’s bad enough that they’re doing this but to drag Ethan into this? It pisses him off and he can’t exactly understand why. Ethan has probably been through worse than this and his scathing tongue is on par with Leah’s that most people don’t even bother these days. But he’s so goddamn sick of people using his sexuality as a weapon against him and others.

“Hey! What the hell’s your problem? Do you have something to say to me?!” Simon has never been in a fight in his entire life but his anger is more than enough to make up for any lack of experience. 

The two of them stare at him in surprise and Simon wonders what he must look like right now. The two of them recover shortly and a sneer appears on both of their faces. 

“What the hell do you two think you’re doing?” Ms.Albright walks up to the table and the look on her face is enough to scare even Simon.

“Off the table. _Now.”_

She faces Simon, “I’ve got this sweetie. Don’t waste your breath on these two dumbasses over here.” 

“You can’t talk to us that way!” one of them protests. 

She whirls around so fast that they jump a bit. “And why not? Do you think anyone here feels sorry for you two here after that stunt you just pulled? Here’s a life lesson for you. When you all get older the only thing anyone is gonna remember from this day are two stupid losers pulling a lame ass joke like they have the mentality of a thirteen year old that just discovered the internet.” 

Soft laughter breaks out from the crowd and the two of them turn red from embarrassment. They open their mouths but Ms.Albright cuts them off with a sharp gesture. “I don’t want to hear it. Principal's office now.” Her voice drops dangerously and Simon could feel goosebumps form over his arms. 

He thinks this is the first time he’s ever genuinely respected one of his teachers before. Ms.Albright has always been pretty cool but that was insane. He watches her walk off and sees her in a totally different light than before. 

The anger fueling him had dissipated quickly but it quickly makes a resurgence when he makes eye contact with his friends and sees the pity in their eyes. He’s been trying to keep himself from being angry with his friends because he really doesn’t have a lot of ground to stand on when in the wrong but he clenches his jaw and turns away. They don’t get to feel pity when they were the ones who abandoned him. 

He sits back down in his seat and jams both earbuds in his ears to block out the whispers and staring.

* * *

The rest of the day goes by pretty quickly after that. The whispers and the staring intensify once word gets out but they lack a hostile intent that Simon can somewhat relax. He’d been called to the office to accept an apology that he doesn’t particularly want or believe in but it did have the added benefit of allowing him to talk to Ethan and apologize. 

“Don’t worry, darling. Haters gonna hate,” Ethan said. “And besides, we gays have to stick together, no?”

They fall into a comfortable silence before Ethan says, “You could’ve told me you were gay.” 

Simon takes a few seconds to respond. “I guess I thought we didn’t have a lot in common.”

Ethan laughs, “You’re telling me! It’s not like your fashion sense that’s exclusively geared towards hoodies is something to die for.” 

Simon huffs out a small laugh before saying, “I was jealous, in a way. You’ve been out since you were 16. You make it look easy. And besides, they’re comfortable.” 

Ethan laughs again but this time with a self-deprecating tone.

“Easy, huh? That’s funny. Coming out is hard but the homophobia always hits the hardest when you’re not expecting it. Creekwood’s bullies are nothing compared listening to my mother describe all the girlfriends I have to our homophobic grandma. She says it’s necessary but you should hear her voice on the phone…” 

He trails off and Simon understands him completely. His dad has been making gay jokes for years now and it’s never gotten easier. 

Eventually they get called in and Simon suffers through two apologies and a dumbass vice principal who thinks that Ethan and him are together despite both of them reaffirming that no, they aren’t. But in the end, as Ethan and he share an eyeroll, Simon thinks it’s worth it. That’s one more friend he has which takes the counter from 0 to 1. 

Simon flies out of the room after the last class is over, eager to be free of all the stares and whispers. He’s almost to his car and nearly scot free when he sees Martin fucking Addison of all people leaning against his car. 

Simon would be shocked at his audacity but it wouldn’t be Martin Addison if he didn’t step all over your metaphorical shoes during a conversation. 

“Hey, Simon. Can we talk for a second?” 

A second passes while he processes this. “What more could you possibly want from me?” he asks and is surprised to hear that his voice actually sounds somewhat normal. It’s definitely a stark contrast from how he’s actually feeling. He’s pretty sure the same can’t be said for his face, though. 

“Look man, I just wanted to apologize. I mean, I never thought it would be that bad or I never would have done it.” 

Simon barks out a laugh. “Right. It’s not like we live in the middle of fucking _Georgia_ or anything.” 

“I’m serious! I mean my brother came out and it wasn’t that big of a deal! And I took down the post before the mods could do it. I deleted the screenshots too. I just feel like shit and I wanted to apologize.” 

Simon stares at him. It’s all he can do. 

“Would you say something?” he says and a hysterical laugh crawls out of his throat. 

“You want me to say something? Fine. I think you’re an asshole. You’re such a huge asshole like what the fuck did you expect to happen? You never think things through and it’s fucking obvious in everything you do. Did you think people were just be like ‘Oh, Spier’s gay, good for him?’ No, you posted it on creeksecrets, you knew exactly what the fuck you were doing.” 

Martin starts crying and even though his heart twists it only serves to spur him on further. “You don’t get to fucking cry, Martin! You don’t get to act like that when you took this from me. This was supposed to be my thing, my decision. I’m supposed to decide when and where and who knows and how I get to say it. And then you have the nerve to bring Blue into it? Are you fucking serious? You’re an asshole Martin and I can barely stand the sight of you. 

Martin’s full on crying even though Simon can tell he’s trying to hold it back. It says a lot that the only thing he can think of the sight is _‘can he do that anywhere but here’_. 

“Just get off my car and leave me the fuck alone, Martin.”

He nods and leaves quietly. After he leaves Simon restrains the urge to yell. He is so fucking tired of everything! Tired of being angry, tired of crying all the time, tired of just about everything in his life. He hates that Martin pushed him so far because he hates getting that angry, hates feeling so out of control of his emotions when these days it’s about the only he has control over.

He clenches his fists and walks up to his car. He throws his book bag into the backseat and after he slams the door he can’t help but slam his fist into the window. 

As soon as he does it he knows it’s a horrible decision. But just for a moment he wanted — no needed — to indulge his anger. And it felt so good to give in that when he punches straight through the window there isn’t an ounce of regret in him. 

There is a bunch of surprise but even that is eclipsed by the pain shooting through his hand. “Ugh!” he yells in frustration. 

The action had been deliberate but there had been no thought on what he was going to do afterwards. He certainly hadn’t thought he would be able to punch through his car window but his car was kind of old so maybe that was why. 

He clambers into the front seat and spends 20 seconds fruitlessly trying to get his keys and start the car with his left hand. Rivulets of blood roll down his arm and onto his car and he resists the urge to yell once more because even he realizes at this point that he needs to calm down. 

He succeeds in getting the car started and he cradles his hand above and slightly on his lap as he pulls out of the parking lot. He’s deciding on where to go, to a hospital or straight home when he hears a tap coming from his car window. 

He raises down the window and Bram Greenfeld pokes his head through the open window. Simon stares flatly at him even though he’s highly embarrassed by his situation. Jesus, he must look like a goddamn mess right now. 

“Uh, are you okay?” he asks and somehow Simon manages to stare at him harder. Bram coughs, “Right, stupid question.” He looks at the broken window in the back and then at Simon’s hand. 

“Okay, out of the driver’s seat,” he eventually says and Simon stares at him in confusion. “Obviously, you can’t drive in that state and the last thing you need is to get in a car crash.” He walks around the car, opens the door and stares at Simon expectantly. 

And well, he doesn’t know exactly why but Simon wordlessly takes off his seatbelt and slides into the passenger seat. It probably has something to do with the fact that even now Simon can’t say no to Cute Bram, of the soft eyes and soccer calves. That and he’s actually grateful that Bram isn’t treating him any differently. Simon would’ve hesitated to call them friends before this but they were at least on friendly terms. It was nice to see that hadn’t changed. 

Once in the car, Bram reaches over and puts on Simon’s seat belt for him. He feels like an asshole but all he can do is stare blankly at the other boy. Bram looks at him and then flashes a small smile at him, and even through the fog and pain he’s so cute that all Simon can do is smile back softly, a small look of confusion accompanying it. 

Bram pulls off and he notices the pain in his hand increasing now that the adrenaline is exiting his system. He sighs, takes a good look at it for the first time and winces at the obscene amount of blood all over his arm. 

As good as it had felt in the moment Simon doesn’t think he’s going to be punching any more car windows in his future. Not without something wrapped around his hand at the very least. 

“So, uh, where are you taking me?” Simon asks. It’s not that he isn’t enjoying his unexpected alone time with the boy, because he totally is, but the turn he just took isn’t in the direction of his house or the hospital. And even though Bram had no problem telling Simon to essentially get the hell out of his own car he’s back to his quiet old self. 

“Hmmm? Oh, sorry, I was just going to take you to my place. My mom’s a nurse and she can help you with your hand. That way you don’t have to go to a hospital.” 

And well, that sounds like a great idea to Simon. He was originally going to just go home and hope that the damage wasn’t as bad as it looked. Obviously pour some type of alcohol or disinfectant on it and then put a band-aid or bandage over it depending on how big the cuts were. And that was if he managed to sneak it past his parents in the first place.

The thought of his parents had him wincing internally. He wasn’t sure which part they’d be more mad over, his injury or the broken window. 

“Yeahh, that’s probably a better idea than what I was planning. Are you sure your mom won’t mind, though?” 

Bram shook his head. “No, she should be fine with it. I mean, I think more than anything she’s going to be impressed that you actually managed to punch through a car window. Those things are more durable than they look.” 

Simon doesn’t have a response to that, not one that doesn’t end up explaining why he was so angry that he punched it in the first place. If Bram didn’t see the whole scene with Martin then it was best to let him assume that it was because of him being outed. 

With just the two of them in the car Simon doesn’t really know what to say. He and Bram were friends because their friends were friends and it was really hard to find anything to say without piggybacking off of a comment one of their friends had made. 

Now that he’s calmed down somewhat he feels a bit awkward about this whole situation. Like yeah, Bram was his beirut and karaoke partner at Garrett’s party but that had been before… well, before everything really. 

And his injury only made things worse. He was going to Bram’s house, he was going to meet his mom in such a horrible state and for a moment he wants to jump out of his own car to avoid the future awkwardness coming up. 

And he thought interacting with Bram was hard before he was outed! The part of him that had been scanning for threats all day was now focused on Bram and well, the results were inconclusive. 

He knew Bram was straight, or at the very least liked girls. That much was safe to assume and to make it easier for himself Simon took it further and didn’t allow himself to entertain any notion that Bram wasn’t straight. 

He knew Bram was polite, but usually quiet. He livened up under the influence of alcohol but so did Simon so that didn’t mean much. Besides his love of the cafeteria fries Simon just didn’t know much about him and he was kind of scared. Like all he can think about is how they sang karaoke together and well, Simon knows that people have been bullied for less. Simon’s entire life is being scrutinized right now and any male friend he has ever had is practically gay by association. 

Which, yeah, it’s obviously stupid and short minded but Simon doesn’t make the rules. And like obviously Bram wasn’t homophobic or he wouldn’t be helping Simon but the paranoia wouldn’t stop. And he thinks it’s because it would hurt the most coming from the nice, cute boy that Simon once thought was Blue.

He sighs softly to himself. He’s not thinking clearly because of the pain but he knows it’s kind of insulting to Bram’s character to think that he would freak out just because he sang karaoke with a guy he didn’t know was gay months ago. Simon softly chastises himself but it lacks any real heat, it’s sad but this is what he has to do especially when even his friends have abandoned him. 

“Hey, we’re here.” Bram’s voice pulls Simon out of his thoughts and back into the present. He hadn’t even noticed the car had stopped. Simon pulls the bottom of his shirt over his injured hand to prevent his blood from dripping all over the place and gets out of the car slowly. He brings his phone but leaves his book bag in the car. 

Bram’s house is nice, smaller than he had expected but it makes sense if it’s just him and his mom living there. Simon feels his awkwardness come back in full force but the pain that his hand is giving off has him following after Bram into his house. 

“Hey mom, I’m home! Could you help out? I got a friend who injured their hand pretty badly.” 

Simon has a brief moment to take in the house before Bram’s mom pokes her head out of the room that’s to his far right. The front door immediately lets into the living room and from where he’s standing he can just see the kitchen on the right side of the house. 

He thinks he can see another room on his far left but Bram’s mom’s eyes zero in on his hand and Simon finds himself seated at the kitchen table before too long. 

“Can you get the bandages out of the closet?” she asks Bram and he nods and disappears. 

“So what’d you do, punch through a window?” she asks as she places his hand in a bowl of warm water and he hisses slightly before responding. 

“Through a car window, actually,” he says sheepishly. 

She looks at him with surprise and then looks at his hand in the water.. “Hmmm, makes sense. Surprising though, when the window shattered did it break into tiny little pieces?” 

“Yeah,” he said and Bram’s mom nods to herself. 

“Can you flex your fingers?” she asks and Simon carefully moves his fingers around. 

“You should get your car windows checked after this. I’ve never heard of someone punching through a window and not breaking at least one finger. Even the cuts from the glass aren’t that deep. Fortunate in this case but dangerous if you ever get into a crash.” 

“I’ll be sure to tell my parents,” he said and stifled a groan of pain when she poured hydrogen peroxide all over his hand. 

“There also shouldn’t be any glass left in the wound but go to a hospital if you think you can feel anything,” she said as Bram returns with the bandages. “I don’t think I have to say this but don’t punch anymore windows in the future, it’s a minor miracle you came out of this unscathed as it is. By the end of this week it should be mostly healed.”

“Thank you,” he says quietly after she’s finished wrapping the bandage. 

“It’s no problem, sweetie. Now I see that Bram drove your car here. I’d offer to drive you home but I have to be at work in about ten minutes. How are you planning to get home?” 

“I’ll probably have to call my parents,” he said, trying not to let on how reluctant he was to do exactly that. Things with his dad were still weird and his mom was going to freak once she saw his injury. But it’s not like he had much of a choice with his friends out of the picture. 

“You can stay here, for now,” Bram offers and Simon looks up at him. “I can call Garrett over and he can follow us in his car once I take you home.” 

“That’d be great actually. As long as you don’t mind, of course.” 

Bram shakes his head no. “I wouldn’t have offered if that was the case.” 

Simon feels a tiny bit of gratitude towards the other boy. He could see Bram feeling obligated to help him when he was injured but driving him home was slightly above and beyond. “I appreciate it,” he says.

“Well I’m glad that that’s settled. Now if you excuse me, I’m going to get ready for work.”

She leaves the kitchen and then it’s just the two of them. _Hello awkwardness, I see that you’re back._

Simon is usually better than this but after the day that he’s had he can’t really find it in himself to be good company. He wants to leave, injured hand or not, because he has a lot on his mind and needs some time to think it through. He doesn’t have the energy to navigate a conversation between the naturally introspective Bram. 

“Hey, uh, I wanna say thanks for everything. For driving me and for, well, not treating me any differently. I haven’t had the best day today and it means a lot.” He cringes internally when he finishes. Too heartfelt, he was trying to pass it off nonchalantly but had totally failed. 

“Simon you don’t have to thank me for being a decent person. I don’t care if you’re gay and anybody who treats you different because you are is stupid. And as for driving you, don’t worry about it. You’ve obviously been through a lot and besides, we’re friends right?”

Simon nods his assent even though his nerves had spiked the moment Bram had said the word gay. It’s somehow still surprising that people know now, and even more surprising to hear it come out of their mouths. 

He does feel a bit better now that they’ve addressed it though. Not much, he’s still a bit nervous about this entire situation, but something in him settles after hearing Bram’s words. He kicks the counter in his head to a possible 2 before following Bram into the living room. 

Once there Bram enters one of the rooms and comes back out with a shirt. “Here, it’s probably not exactly your size but it’s gotta be better than wearing one with blood all over it.” 

Simon tries his hardest but he can’t help but blush. Wearing another boy’s clothes is kind of intimate even though he knows that Bram probably offered out of politeness. 

Before he can even get up and go to the bathroom to change Bram leaves to give him some privacy. He changes quickly, and tries not to think about the fact he’s wearing another boy’s clothes. 

15 minutes after Bram’s mom leaves for work Garrett barrels into the house. “Greenfeld! Spier! What’s up?”

Simon raises his hand. “What’s up Garrett? How’ve you been?” he asks. He’s kind of glad for the interruption even though he wasn’t expecting him to be here until later. Garrett is a hard extrovert and with his presence awkwardness flies out of the window as the conversation flows smoothly. 

Simon was more than glad to push aside the homework he was doing, or rather trying to do. With his writing hand the way it was he didn’t know exactly how he was going to be doing any writing anytime soon. 

Bram, bless his soul, was helping him fill out and circle the answers whenever Simon got too fed up with trying to do it with his left. But the slow pace was agonizing and Simon had been contemplating whether to just say fuck it and not do it at all before Garrett had showed up. 

“Hey man, you alright?” Garrett asks him a few minutes later and Simon shrugs at the question. “My day possibly can’t possibly get any worse than it already is, so eh, I’m coping.” Simon’s happy to hear that his voice comes out normal without any of the underlying tension he’s feeling. 

“Good, that’s good,” he says. He pauses slightly and this time when he speaks Simon can hear the caution and hesitation in his voice as clear as day. 

“I— uh, I couldn’t help but notice that you and Leah didn’t sit with us at lunch today. Is everything alright with y’all?”

At this Simon clenches his jaw and chokes off his impulse to snap at the other boy. It’s a valid question after all, the four of them were as thick as thieves and Simon knew that after his outing their separation was extremely odd. 

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” Garrett hurriedly says. “It’s none of my business.”

“No,” Simon found himself saying. “It’s okay. It’s just really complicated. Long story short, I haven’t exactly been the best of friends lately and I betrayed all of the trust they had in me, especially Leah’s.” 

He goes to continue but finds that he doesn’t know what to say. Doesn’t know how to explain that even though he doesn’t have any high ground there’s a growing part of him that’s absolutely seething that his friends abandoned him when he needed them the most. 

Doesn’t know how to explain that while he’s already basically forgiven Leah he doesn’t think he can ever forgive Nick and Abby for this. Doesn’t know how to explain that already, he’s feeling like he doesn’t need them and he’s scared of what that means if they ever reconnect. Things have permanently changed in their friend group and Simon can barely spare the energy to give a fuck it feels like. 

“I’m sure whatever you did couldn’t have been that bad,” Bram says. “They should be there for you now even if you fucked up monumentally.”

Simon hums noncommittally at that. “Maybe. Leah I can understand. She feels bad but she needs some space right now and I can get that. Nick and Abby, well….” he trails off and then shrugs once he realizes he can’t find anything to say that will sum up his thoughts. It’s even harder since they don’t know the context of their falling out but Simon is pointedly not thinking of Martin Addison. 

Things go quiet for a couple of seconds before Garrett stands up. “My friend, I think I know exactly what you need.” He pulls a plastic bag out of his pocket and proudly flourishes it. It takes Simon a second to focus in on it but he realizes that it’s weed. 

“I was going to wait until we dropped you off to do this but honestly it seems like you need this more than we do. This will take your mind off whatever you’re thinking about, guaranteed.” 

Simon’s never smoked before but when he puts it that way, well, he admits that it’d be nice to get out of his head and relax. He looks over to Bram, “You’ve smoked before? I’ve never done it.” 

“Not much,” he admits. “It can be a little too much sometimes and my ability to concentrate goes down the drain but I do prefer it over drinking.” 

Simon nods his head. “Well, as long as you guys don’t make fun of me when I make a fool out of myself, I’m down.” Smoking has always been Nick’s thing but he can’t help but feel interested now.

“Relax, Spier. We’ll take good care of ya, scout’s honor. Now, Greenie, if you could do us the honor of rolling up that’d be sweet.” Garrett throws the bag of weed and a pack of cigars to Bram who rolls his eyes but takes it anyway. 

“Y’know for someone who smokes way more than I do it’s hilarious that you suck at rolling up.” Bram gets up off the couch and gestures at the two of them to follow him.

“And why should I learn when you do it so well? And besides, I would go get my bong but a blunt is probably for the best since it’s Simon’s first time smoking.” 

Simon feels a tiny bit surreal at his situation. Like he never could have imagined that today he would be smoking weed for the first time with Bram and Garrett. Bram, who’s spoken more words in the past half hour than Simon’s heard from him the entire school year. 

It’s a good kind of surreal though, it makes him happy that they’re treating him no different than before. He doesn’t feel so estranged anymore, talking to the two of them. 

Simon follows them into what’s clearly Bram’s room and once they’re all in, Garrett shuts the door, sticks a towel at the bottom of it and then opens the sole window in the room. 

Bram’s room is very nice and Simon tells him as much. Tucked into the corner there’s a neatly made up twin sized bed with a window above it to the right. On the wall opposite to it there are two bookcases, one filled to the brim with books and the other one not even halfway full on its first shelf. 

It’s very Bram-like for all that Simon doesn’t know much about the boy. He’s suddenly glad for Garrett’s presence because being in his room feels very intimate in a way that Simon wasn’t expecting. Especially with the door closed. 

He seats himself in a chair that’s kind of like a beanbag chair but only in the sense that it curved inward and instead of resting on the floor it was supported by a sturdy metal frame. It was comfortable enough, never mind the fact that it was the only space for him to sit that wasn’t the bed, which was occupied by Garrett.

Bram started rolling up and Simon suddenly had to focus on acting naturally because holy hell those _hands_. Simon couldn’t even tell what he was doing but the concentrated look on Bram’s face in combination with his hands had Simon tearing his eyes away from the sight. 

And not a moment too soon because out of the corner of his eye Simon could see Bram start licking the cigar, pressing it closed with his lips. His thoughts turned to mush and he actually started paying attention to what was on his phone instead of just pretending he was on it so he didn’t give himself away. 

He had always known Bram was cute, hot even, but he had never been more aware of it than now, drop dead in the boy’s room, wearing his shirt. He scrolled aimlessly through his phone, trying his best to calm down. The last thing he needed was Bram noticing he was checking him out, not when he was already so cool with Simon being gay. 

Simon could see it now, the polite but apologetic rejection that was no doubt going to be awkward as hell. He felt his nerves settle down at the thought, he’d do anything to avoid that happening. Injured hand or not, he’d drive the hell out of here and die of embarrassment. Never again would he be able to look Bram in the face, or Garrett for that matter. 

By the time Bram was finished Simon was in control of himself. “Here,” Bram said and tried to hand the blunt over to Garrett. 

“Nope, you know the deal. Whoever rolls it, lights it and takes the first puff. It’s bad luck otherwise.” 

Bram rolled his eyes but sparked the lighter and lit it up. “You and your superstitions kill me,” he said before bringing the blunt up to his lips and taking a long hit. 

The smell of weed hit his nose and Simon couldn’t tell if he hated it or liked it. It was kind of harsh but maybe that was because it was being burnt. 

Bram passes it to Garrett who takes a couple of hits before handing it over to Simon. 

“So, uh, not to be dumb but how exactly do I do this?” he asks. 

“You kind of just inhale? Like for me it’s just one long breath if that makes any sense,” said Bram. 

Simon went to bring it up to his lips but stopped when he heard Garrett speak. “And make sure you actually take it into your lungs and not just in your mouth.” 

Simon nodded and just went for it trying to keep their advice in mind. He was nervous but in a good way. He breathed it in and immediately started coughing when his lungs instinctively tried to expel the smoke. 

Through his coughing fits he held out the blunt for Bram to take and then focused on getting his breathing under his control before he threw up everywhere.

“There we go Spier! Don’t worry the first hit is always the hardest.”

Bram thrusted a water bottle in his face and Simon nodded at him gratefully before opening it and draining about a third of it in one go. 

“You okay?” he asked once he was done and Simon waited to wipe the tears off of his face before responding.

“Yeah—” He winced at how hoarse his voice was and cleared his throat. “Yeah, it was, uh, harsher than I was expecting but it’s not as bad as alcohol is.” 

“Do you wanna hit it again?” Bram offered the blunt to him. 

He shrugged and took the blunt. “Why not?” He doesn’t feel anything but a bit of lightheadedness (which is probably because of the coughing than the weed itself) right now and if he’s going to do this he might as well make the most of it. 

True to what Garrett said the second and third hit goes down smoothly, with Simon only coughing a couple of times. In a way it’s kind of like alcohol in that regard, drinking is easier when you’re already drunk. 

He passes it to Bram again when it’s too much and then sits back in his chair. He doesn’t notice it but the high creeps up on him. It’s not until he giggles in response to Garrett asking if he feels it yet that he realizes that yeah, he is high. 

“This feels _good,_ ” he says and then laughs again. HIs entire body is buzzing softly, like it’s about to defy gravity and take flight but at the same time he feels so grounded in this chair, like he’ll never get up again. He can see what Garrett meant earlier, right now he’s not thinking about Blue or his friends. 

Garrett burst out laughing and Simon saw even Bram crack a smile at that. He grins and hums to himself, pleased to make the usually reserved boy laugh. Well, not laugh exactly but whatever semantics were always Blue’s thing, not his. 

“I definitely cannot go home like this,” he states. 

“You can stay here until you come down,” Bram says. “I don’t think any of us should drive for a couple of hours at the very least.” 

Simon slowly raises his hand and then brings it down until he’s pointing at Bram. “Bram,” he says solemnly. “You’re a fucking genius.” 

Garrett starts howling with laughter and Simon brings out his phone and stares at the keyboard for a good twenty seconds, trying to figure out what he wanted to say. 

_hey mom, I’m over at my friend’s house right now_

_also don’t freak out, but I got mad and punched my car window and it broke_

_I’m fine, Bram’s mom is a nurse but she said I should probably get my car windows checked_

He hesitates, but sends it anyway. It had taken all of his concentration but he thinks he managed not to sound high. It was a pain having to do it with only his left hand but he managed it anyway. 

He drops his phone with a relieved sigh, glad that that’s over. “You know,” he starts saying. “I was having a horrible day today but I feel pretty fucking great now.”

“That’s good,” Bram says and Simon looks at him to see that even while high Bram still manages to keep his calm quiet demeanor. Simon, for comparison, is smiling widely and basking in his high. Even his injured hand is a distant concern, the throbs of pain feeling better overall but worse in some parts. 

He goes to toe off his shoes but stops at the last second, not sure if he should get that comfortable. Bram notices and gestures that it’s okay and Simon beams at him before doing just that. He brings his legs up and sits in the chair criss cross applesauce style, feeling 10x more comfortable. 

The blunt made its way to Simon again and he took a couple of more hits before Bram and Garrett collectively decided that he’d had enough. Which, Simon thought, was probably warranted. He was almost too high after the last couple of puffs and he was glad when they finally sprayed the room and opened the door.

When he got up and followed them into the kitchen he marveled at how loose he was compared to just ten minutes ago. They got some snacks and went back into Bram’s room and then just hung around for the next couple of hours. 

He was surprised how fun it was to hang around the two of them. For all the time they spent at lunch together Simon didn’t really know them and he was glad he was getting the chance. Not once did they make Simon feel uncomfortable and unincluded and after Garrett asked earlier they didn’t mention his outing or any of his friends. 

It was a breath of fresh air and normalcy that Simon had needed ever since Martin had outed him. He just thought it would be with Leah, Nick, and Abby instead of Garrett and Bram but hey, Simon wasn’t disappointed in the slightest. 

Garrett was hilarious normally, but even funnier when high and Simon had never seen Bram so relaxed and just so himself. At lunch their interactions didn’t go further than Bram asking Simon for his fries but maybe that was because of his supposed crush on Leah? Simon basically always sat by her at lunch which could explain a lot. 

Of course that was probably Simon logic, as his family would say, and if Bram did have a crush on Leah then Simon figured he would find out sooner or later. Depending on how Leah felt about it he could even help push the two of them together if he was ever in that position in the future.

The thought evoked a sour response from him and he didn’t know if it was because of the thought of Leah or if it was because doing that was technically manipulating his friend’s love lives and well, looked how well that turned out. 

He could argue that it was different, since it was coming out of a place of love instead of selfishness but maybe he would just let the straight people figure their shit out and if hey, Bram wanted some advice Simon would maybe nudge him in the right direction and that was it. 

Although that did provoke the question of whether Bram was Leah’s type or not because while he was definitely Simon’s type he didn’t know what type of guys Leah was into other than Nick Eisner and even Simon wasn’t dumb enough to think that Bram being black was enough for Leah to be into him. 

And Simon couldn’t see what Leah liked about Nick because somewhere along the line Simon had managed to completely neutralize any attraction he had towards Nick, if there was ever any in the first place, and had come off the better for it. 

Eventually it was time to go and Simon crushed the disappointment he felt at that. He had enjoyed his time here but it was time to jump back into his mess of a life after ignoring it for a couple of hours. The drive home with Bram was peaceful and silent though, lacking any of the awkwardness that had plagued them on their ride from school to Bram’s house. 

Simon wasn’t stoned sky high still but he wasn’t exactly sober either. Sober enough to act normal around his parents at least. He was exhausted though, the day finally catching up to him and he found himself happy and relieved when they finally arrived. 

“Hey, uh, I know you said not to thank you but seriously thank you for today. It meant more to me that you probably realize. And tell your mom I said thanks as well. My mom would have freaked if I came home like that and I appreciate not having to go to the hospital.” 

Bram waved him off. “Seriously, don’t worry about it. I’m glad I could help. I’ll see you in school tomorrow?” he asked and handed Simon his car keys.

“Yeah, see ya,” he said and waved goodbye to him and Garrett, who was waiting in his car. He turned and began walking up the path to his house.

It took thirty minutes to calm his mom down when she saw his bandaged hand (and Simon couldn’t help but notice that his dad was not present) but Simon finally made it upstairs and into his room. At last, he had some solitude for the first time that day. 

Today had certainly been interesting, to say the least. His friends, Blue, Martin, the whole fiasco at lunch. He couldn’t believe that those things happened to him. Getting high had warped his sense of time until it had felt like all those things happened to him yesterday. It was amazing and he felt a wave of gratitude towards Bram and Garrett. 

Because right now he should be incredibly depressed but instead all he felt was a little sadness. And maybe that was the leftover high still at work but it still didn’t change the fact that his life had gone to absolute shit and he had come out of it way better than he had any right to. 

Maybe tomorrow would be different but the worst was over and Simon knew he could deal and cope with anything life threw at him. Right before he falls asleep Simon kicks the counter in his head up to a 3. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I hope you guys enjoyed that. I'm not sure if or when chapter 2 will be posted. I have a lot of great ideas and plans for future fics but this is the one I wanted to write on the most despite it having an originally flimsy plot idea with no plans for chapters after this. As of right now I have 3 paragraphs of the next chapter written up so not much. All of that being said, I think there's a strong possibility that I'll post chapter two next month when I update. Writing this ate into the time I use to write Exaltation and while I don't like that I love writing for this fandom and don't see myself stopping anytime soon.
> 
> Also the last note I want to make is this fic was unimaginatively called 'Broken Window' because while I liked the premise of SImon breaking his car window I still thought it was stupid but somewhere along the line it grew on me. It's funny because all the other names of my fanfics were carefully thought out and planned. But those are action fanfics and I like that this fanfic doesn't have a serious name because it's not supposed to be a serious fanfic.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't sure if this chapter would be ready by today but somehow I actually met my deadline. I hope you guys like it!

When Simon wakes up the day after he feels great, physically that is. The lack of a hangover is very welcome for how high he had been yesterday. Weed is definitely better than alcohol just for that aspect. 

When he checks his phone he nearly drops it when he sees a familiar gmail notification. Blue emailed him back! He nearly clicks on it but he stops at the last second. Does he really want to open it? 

He doesn’t exactly know how to feel about Blue right now besides anger that he’s not sure if he’s justified in feeling. With a sigh he drops his phone and starts getting ready for school. He looks down and blushes slightly when he realizes he fell asleep wearing Bram’s shirt. 

He takes it off immediately. It was still too intimate of a thing to do and Simon really needed to keep Bram in the platonic part of his mind. He makes a mental note to throw it in the washing machine and then hops in the shower. 

In there he took a good look at his injured hand and saw that Bram’s mom was right. For all of the blood that had leaked from it the actual cuts in his skin were minor, though there were a lot of them. Mainly around the first two knuckles of his fingers and the top of the back of his hand. 

It doesn’t look infected or anything so he washes it the best he’s able and then rewraps it once he’s out. Once he’s dressed he sits down on his bed and again looks at the gmail notification on his phone. He hisses softly under his breath before clicking the power button to his phone. He’s still not ready. 

Eventually he goes downstairs to find out exactly who’s driving him to school or if he’s gonna have to suffer and take the school bus. 

“Simon, your dad’s taking you to school today,” his mom says as soon as he enters the kitchen. He’s the last one to come down and he glances at his dad briefly before sitting down. The sight of him sends a spiral of anxiety through Simon’s body but he largely ignores it. 

“Alright, that’s fine.” Much like with everything in his life Simon’s been avoiding thinking about his dad and how he left the room after he came out but he figures their conversation can’t get any worse than the one he had with his friends yesterday. 

Breakfast is a quiet affair that morning and Simon hates it as much as he’s grateful for it. He’s not really in the mood to conversate. But the Spier family doesn’t do quiet mornings and the awkwardness in the air is tangible enough to choke on.

But as bad as the awkwardness is there’s a part of Simon that remains unaffected from it. The source of the awkwardness may be because of his coming out but it was no way at all Simon’s fault. 

He thanks Nora for the breakfast when they’re done and silently follows his dad to his car. They drive for an entire five minutes before his dad finally says something. 

“I’m getting your car fixed today, so you don’t have to worry about this being a regular thing.” His dad freezes before hurriedly saying, "Not that I mind taking you to school or anything! I just know what it feels like to not have the freedom to go anywhere when you lose your car.” 

“Thanks,” he says and he’s not sure if it comes out genuine but he does appreciate that he’ll have his car back so fast. His mom probably won’t let him drive for the next couple of days anyway but Simon was feeling a bit stifled knowing that he’d have to depend on his parents if he wanted to go anywhere at all. 

They’re at a red light when his dad speaks again. “Look Simon, I want to say sorry for how I reacted when you came out. I have no excuse, I shouldn’t have left —”

“So why did you?” Simon demands and looks over at his dad. They’ve been staring ahead for the whole duration of their conversation, only looking at each other out of the corner of their eyes. 

Simon’s dad looks over at him and then back at the road as the light turns green. “I was ashamed— of myself,” he admits. ”I mean how do you face your gay kid when you’ve been making gay jokes since – how long have you known?” 

“Fourteen.”

“That’s 3 years of gay jokes! I didn’t know how to react so I just — left.” He winces at the last part but continues on. “I failed you as your dad every time I made one of those jokes and I don’t know how to make up for that.” 

“Dad, I don’t care about the gay jokes. I mean, I hear worse and more casual homophobia every day in school.” He sighs. “I just… I just need to know if you still love me,” he admits quietly and looks away. 

His dad stops the car in the middle of the road. “Simon, look at me. I will always love you, for the rest of my life. There’s nothing you can do that will ever make me love you any less.”

Tears well up in his eyes and he can’t stop his voice from croaking when he speaks. “I know I’m not the most masculine son or anything but —” 

His dad pulls over and immediately envelops Simon into a hug. It’s a bit awkward with the partition separating them but Simon’s head ends up cradled in his dad’s chest. 

“You’re the best son I could have ever asked for,” he says quietly and Simon can tell from his voice that he’s crying too. “I love you exactly the way you are and I wouldn’t change a thing about you. I am so proud of you Simon. There’s not a day that goes by that I’m not proud of who’ve you become.”

It takes a long time before either of them stops crying. 

“And besides,” his dad says as he starts the car back up. “Liking another man is as masculine as it gets, technically.”

“Oh my god,” Simon groans but he’s laughing as well. 

* * *

Like yesterday, he walks into the school with red puffy eyes but this time he’s in a considerably better mood. His talk with his dad had gone great, better than he had expected actually. 

He doesn’t even falter when he sees the word ‘faggot’ sprawled across his locker, only it was spelled incorrectly with one 'g'. He still feels a wave of… something spread through him but it’s hard to care about after his talk with his dad. 

“If you’re going to insult me at least have the decency to spell it right,” he mutters and strikes through the word with a permanent marker. Underneath it he writes the correct spelling, the letters all caps because he doesn’t possess the dexterity to write lowercase letters with his non-dominant hand. And then lastly, he puts an exclamation point at the end of it. 

“Simon, you’re fucking hilarious,” he says to himself, somewhat deadpan. It had been a spur of the moment thing to do and he wasn’t sure exactly how he felt about it. But that was becoming increasingly common these days so he walked off before it soured his mood even further. 

The rest of the school day was pretty easy after that. He carefully tuned out his surroundings, barely catching Garrett’s silent invitation to sit with him and Bram at lunch. He declined, partly because Nick and Abby joined them right after but also because he already had a plan as to where he was going to sit today.

Bram did shoot him an apologetic look afterwards but Simon couldn’t even begin to understand why. 

“Can I sit here?” he asked. 

“Of course! Scoot over guys,” she said. She patted the seat beside her when she was done. “Here.” 

He seated himself, glad that he was on the edge and not completely surrounded by strangers. “Not to be rude, but what was your name again? I didn’t catch it yesterday when we talked.” 

The two lesbians that came up to him yesterday introduce themselves as Sasha and Jada and although it’s a little awkward they make him feel welcome. Solidarity among gays and all that. 

“You don’t need them,” Jada says after she catches him sneaking another look to where his friends were sitting. “Not if they can’t accept you for who you are.” 

He shakes his head. “We’re not talking because they have a problem with me being gay, we’re not talking because we had a fight.” 

“Well, whatever it is they still suck for not being there for you when you’ve been outed to the whole school. I mean, we live in Georgia. This is as south as it gets.”

He sighs, “So I’ve heard. But I’ve known two of them since I was five so I’m not just going to give up on them.”

Sasha nods. “You’ve only lived here for a couple of years but it’s always been Nick, Simon, and Leah,” she says to Jada. “If you saw one then the other two was sure to be around somewhere.” 

“And the cheerleader? Suso or something? What about her?”

“Six months,” Simon says flatly. Jada hums at that but doesn’t say anything further. 

“I’ve never seen the three of you argue like this before, though. Whatever happened it must’ve been big because you guys are acting like you don’t even know each other,” Sasha says to Simon. 

Simon shrugs and doesn’t say anything. If he couldn’t say why to Garrett and Bram yesterday then there’s no way in hell he’ll be able to say it now. The conversation quickly changes and Simon participates in it enough to show that he’s not angry at all of their questions. 

It’s not any of their business but it’s Creekwood and right now Simon being gay is the hot topic. The absence of his friends after his outing is only fuel for the drama. 

Lunch passes and rehearsal comes all too soon. He would skip, especially since he doesn’t have any lines but he doesn’t have a way home and there’s not a chance he’s taking the school bus for the first time. 

All he has to do is spend an entire hour in the same space as Martin and Abby and then his dad would be there to pick him up. He smiles grimly to himself, talk about awkward. 

But it isn’t that bad though, Martin doesn’t even look in Simon’s general direction which he would feel bad about if it didn’t give him the greatest sense of relief. He didn’t think Martin would approach him after yesterday but who knows what the hell goes on in that boy’s mind.

Abby completely stonewalls him, not that he tried at any point to speak to her. He ignores her in turn, not paying any attention to the twisting inside of his chest. Abby and him had gotten along amazingly well, arguably even better than Leah and him though he would never say so aloud.

He’s free to go soon enough and he’s waiting for his dad to pull up when he sees Bram walk up. 

“Oh, hey, how are you?” Simon asks. 

“You left your shirt yesterday,” Bram explained. He dug through his backpack and gave Simon the white shirt he had been wearing the day before. 

“Oh, thanks!” He had totally forgotten about his shirt. “I would’ve brought yours but I didn’t get the chance to wash it and it still probably smells like weed.” 

“That’s alright. That’s kind of why I’m here, actually. Do you want to smoke with us again? We got a little left over and I figured I’d ask.” 

“Yeah!” he said. He could definitely go for a repeat of yesterday, minus the window punching. “Pick me up at my house? My dad’s already on his way here and that way I could give you back your shirt.”

“Yeah, that works. How’s the hand by the way?” Bram asks casually.

“Oh this?” Simon asks, raising his hand. “It’s good, it barely hurts unless it bumps into something. It’s more aggravating than painful, I’ve never had my right hand injured so things like eating and writing have been a bit of a struggle.” 

Bram’s quiet for a couple of seconds. “Hey sorry about lunch earlier today. We weren’t trying to force you to makeup with Nick and Abby.” 

Simon’s eyebrows rise up. “Oh don’t worry about it, I wasn’t thinking that at all.” Neither of them was the type to do something like that, though Simon could see why Bram thought he would think that. 

“I don’t mind if you two are friends with them too.” he says suddenly, the apologetic look from earlier finally making sense. “Like I don’t want to make this whole thing even more convoluted than it already is by having people take sides and I know you said we were friends but you were Nick’s friends first—”

“You should care,” Bram says more than a bit forcefully and Simon looks over at him in surprise. “I find it hard to believe that whatever you did is bad enough that they can’t be there for you when you need them most. I mean, did any of them say anything to you about your locker today?” he asks harshly, his voice thick with disgust. 

Simon doesn’t say anything but he supposes his silence is answer enough. 

“I’m sorry,” Bram says quietly, a few seconds later. “That was out of line of me.” 

Simon nods slowly, unable to look at the other boy. It was out of line. It hadn’t been his place to make a comment like that and Simon was kind of surprised at his lack of reaction. He was so sick of people asking and talking about his friends like they had a right to know but Bram was right for all that Simon wished that he hadn’t said it. Because it made it impossible to ignore the sharp blaze of anger that had been steadily growing since yesterday. 

“Look— sit with us tomorrow. That’s all I was trying to say. If doing the right thing and supporting you means taking your side then I guess I’m on your side. And if Nick or Abby has a problem with it they can just deal with it. I — We have your back, Simon.” 

Huh. There was something off - no, odd - about this conversation but Simon couldn’t quite place his finger on what it was. He had just seen another side of Bram that he’s never seen before, and he thinks it was an important part but he couldn’t piece it together with what he knew of the boy and how it fit into the conversation. 

Maybe it was presumptuous to think that spending a single afternoon together would be enough for Simon to get to know him but he was still surprised at how little he knew about Bram when it really mattered. He had no idea what the other boy was thinking at all. 

“Well, if you insist, who am I to say no?” he jokes, trying to bring the conversation onto lighter grounds. 

“Cool, cool. Good,” Bram says. He’s smiling now, and Simon tries to quell the butterflies that erupt in his stomach at the sight.

This had been an interesting conversation and while Simon could practically feel the subtext flying over his head his saving grace came in the form of his dad finally pulling into the school. Instantly he’s filled with relief knowing that he won’t potentially embarrass himself any further. 

“Well, there’s my ride. I guess I’ll see you soon?” 

“Yeah.” Bram turns and walks away but suddenly turns around. “Wait! What’s your number? I’ll text you when we get there,” Bram says. They exchange numbers and Simon hops into his dad’s car. 

_The fact that he even folded it is kind of cute_ , he absently thinks as they pull off. It’s washed as well, no hint of any of the blood that had soaked into it. 

* * *

It’s not until Simon is telling the story of how he was being blackmailed to Bram and Garrett that he remembers the email from Blue that he still hasn’t opened. They’re barely into their first blunt, though Garrett brought his bong along this time so it’s mostly just Simon and Bram, but he’s already high.

They’re in Bram’s room again and the two of them are watching Garrett play some type of single player game on the ps4. Garrett’s sitting in the chair that Simon was sitting in yesterday so he’s on the bed with Bram, very aware of the short distance between them.

It’s very reminiscent of how Leah and him would chill on the couch in Nick’s basement and watch whatever Nick happened to be playing and Simon is using that familiarity to ease into this conversation. 

“Okay so I don’t want to explain how but Martin had some pretty ironclad proof that I was gay.” He pauses slightly, his mind going back to this morning. He hadn’t meant to wait this long to respond but after his talk with his dad it had totally slipped his mind.

“Martin Addinson?” Garrett asks incredulously. 

“Ugh, I know. You don’t gotta tell me, I can still hardly believe it myself honestly.” Simon takes another hit of the blunt, relishing the simultaneously sweet and harsh taste. 

“Anyways to make a long story short he was using that proof to blackmail me into helping him get with Abby. But you know Nick and Abby have been circling around each other for months so when Nick came to me for advice about Abby I, y’know, told him he shouldn’t go for it.” 

He looks down to avoid eye contact and forges on before the silence can stretch. “Anyways as expected, that blew up in my face in the worst way possible and I haven’t talked to the two of them since.” Simon sucks in another lungful of smoke before passing it to Bram.

“Damn dude, that’s fucked,” Garrett says after a couple of seconds and Simon relaxes and shrugs. “It is what it is,” he replies.

He’s glad he got high before telling them because he wouldn’t have been able to do it while sober. There’s no way he wouldn’t have been able to speak of it so casually without the high relaxing his mannerisms and muddying the sharp sense of shame and anger.

“Thanks for telling us,” Bram says and his voice is utterly clear of any judgement, which is honestly kind of amazing. Despite their weirdly emotionally charged conversation from earlier (that Simon is still thinking about!) the two of them are fine, an unspoken sense of understandment running between them.

Simon shrugs again, enjoying the way that even simple movements like this feels good. It’s different and entirely better than the little ball of fire and heat in his stomach that alcohol gives him. The way his entire body is buzzing feels likes he’s outside in the sun, basking in its warmth. 

“I figured if anybody deserved to know it would be the two of you.”

“And now that we know I can say for sure that you weren’t in the wrong.” Bram declares.

“Oh yeah, Eisner is totally being an asshole,” Garrett agrees. He pauses the game and looks back at Simon. “I can talk to him if you want,” he offers. “Pull him out of his head.” 

He hums. That’s actually not a bad idea. “I might take you up on that. I’m not sure yet.” He’s afraid that once he finally talks to Nick, and therefore Abby, they’ll demand an apology from him instead of apologizing themselves. 

“Well, let me know.” Garrett unpaused the game. “I’ll be happy to knock some sense into the idiot. Honestly, the boy gets a girl and forgets all about his friends.” 

At some point Simon excuses himself to the bathroom so he can finally read Blue’s email.

> FROM:bluegreen118@gmail.com
> 
> TO:hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com
> 
> SUBJECT: I’m sorry
> 
> Simon, I am so sorry. I really don’t have anything to say about my actions. Once I saw who you are it all became too real and like a coward I tried to run away from my feelings. I regret it so much and I hope you can forgive me. I know I don’t have any right to ask you this but how are you holding up? I couldn’t imagine being outed like that.
> 
> I understand if you’re mad and don’t want to talk but I’m here if you ever need or want to talk to someone and I promise I’m not going anywhere this time.
> 
> Love, 
> 
> Blue

Simon is sporting a wide smile by the time he’s finished reading the email. He hadn’t realized how much he missed and needed the familiarity of Blue’s words until now. 

But for all of that it was still hard typing out a reply. There was no denying his happiness but there was a reason that Simon hadn’t opened it until now. He was angry with Blue, if not mad, but Simon couldn’t even say that he was surprised that he got skittish. He knew how highly Blue valued his privacy. 

What really mattered was that he came back, and even promised not to leave this time. That was about all Simon could ask of him. And out of all the people that he was mad at right now he didn’t want Blue to be one of them. 

> FROM:hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com
> 
> TO:bluegreen118@gmail.com
> 
> SUBJECT: RE: I’m sorry
> 
> Blue, I don’t think you understand how overjoyed I was at reading this. I won’t lie, your disappearance hit really hard but I think I understand you a little bit better now. And of course I still want to talk. There are some things I can only tell you. For example, this morning I finally talked to my dad since he walked out of the room when I came out to him. It was super awkward and emotional and neither of us could stop crying but I love him even more now. 
> 
> How was New Year’s with your dad?
> 
> —Simon

He feels bad for signing it off that way when Blue had used love but it suddenly feels too intimate and weird now that Blue knows who he is. He does love Blue, there’s no doubt about that even if he’s unsure if all that love is strictly platonic. 

And maybe this was his imagination running wild but that had been one of Blue’s best chances to come out to at least Simon. He has to know that after what happened to him he wouldn’t out the other boy. He was slowly coming to terms that maybe being anonymous — well, somewhat anonymous now — friends was enough for Blue. 

Simon supposed he could get used to that eventually.

Maybe. 

* * *

When Simon comes home later that day he’s surprised to see Leah there, waiting for him.

“Leah! I— Hey, how are you?” he says, happy to see her. 

“Hey Simon. Can we talk?” she asks from where she’s sitting on the porch. 

“Of course! How long have you been waiting here?” he asks as he ushers her into the house and up into his room. 

“Not that long,” she says. He shuts the door behind them and resists the urge to smile at her. He’s a bit too high to be properly nervous but at the same time it’s _Leah_. There’s no one he’s more comfortable around.

“You should’ve texted me. I would’ve come back earlier if I had known you were here.” 

“It’s alright. I mean, it wouldn’t be right to force you to come back home just so I could apologize to you. Where were you?” she asks. 

“Bram’s house,” he replies and smiles when he sees the surprise on her face. “I know right? I’m kind of surprised as you are but he and Garrett have been surprisingly cool about this whole thing.” 

She nods her head and the two of them fall silent for a moment. 

“You don—” he starts but she cuts him off swiftly.

“I do, actually. Just let me—” she begins angrily before sighing. “Look Simon, I’m sorry I’ve been a horrible friend. I told you I needed space but there was a way I could’ve gotten the space I needed and still support you in school. Like what type of friend lets you go through this shit alone? I should’ve been there for you during lunch yesterday and this morning when they put that stuff on your locker.”

“I forgive you, for trying to set me up with Nick. It was wrong, but you were also being blackmailed so it’s not like there wasn’t extenuating circumstances. And if you’ll have me back I promise I’ll do better.”

“I’ve missed you so much,” Simon says and it’s packed with so much emotion that he’s surprised that he’s not crying. He draws her into a hug. “Thank you for forgiving me, and I forgive you too even though I think you’ve done nothing wrong.”

“Simon,” she says into his shirt after a couple of seconds. “You smell like weed.” 

He laughs. “I might be a little high,” he admits and steps back. 

“No way,” Leah says as he pulls out a fresh clean shirt out of his dresser. “With Bram and Garrett? You gotta tell me how that happened.” 

He quickly changes shirts and then lays on the bed with Leah. “It was so surreal! It all started when Bram helped me after I punched through my car window.” 

“I’m sorry, you did what?!” she says and Simon knows that the two of them are going to be just fine. 

* * *

It’s not until Simon’s falling asleep and going over the day’s events that he puts together all the clues about Bram that’s been bothering him. Their weird conversation from earlier hadn’t made any sense at the time but thinking back on it Simon can’t believe he had missed it.

Bram was… bisexual. And possibly into Simon. 

It was hard to believe but when using it as context to every possible interaction they had Simon had to believe it. It would explain why he had gotten so heated when they were talking earlier. Straight Bram being that impassioned that Simon’s friends had left him alone hadn’t made a lot of sense but Bisexual Bram doing the same made perfect sense. Obviously he would feel some type of way, being LGBT himself. 

Simon’s stomach filled with butterflies as he seriously contemplated this revelation. If this was true, and it was starting to look like it might be, then that changed a lot. He had thought Bram was Blue earlier this school year but had dismissed him when he saw him kissing that girl at Garrett’s Halloween party. But if he was bisexual then that meant that all the signs Simon had thought he had seen might have been true. 

Bram Greenfeld could’ve actually been into him that night!

Simon quickly backpedals before he gets his hopes up. He was confident but it would be stupid to fantasize until he was sure. He didn’t know how he was going to get his proof but he definitely was going to start paying more attention to Bram outside of his looks. With any hope he could relabel Cute Bram to Bisexual Bram.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! It's an interesting one, for sure. Like the first chapter I feel the beginning is shaky but it gets better the further along you read. I do not know when chapter 3 is going to be posted. I've been so busy writing for this fic that I've abandoned my other WIP's so after this chapter is posted my attention is gonna shift until I'm caught up on everything. An update next month does sound possible as of right now but that might change.


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